Some days it haunts me worse than others. Some days I don’t even remember but then there are the days that I do. The days it makes me so sad I can actually feel the pain in my heart, the days I question myself, what kind of person I am to have someone want to abandon me like that, the days that I reach out and get nothing in response.
Do you know the term Ghosted? According to the Urban Dictionary, it means,”Verb: When someone you love disappears without explanation. Then your friends and family act like your crazy. See also; lack of closure, stonewalled, narcissist discard, gaslighted.”
I have questions decision I have made over the years and yes I have not been perfect. I have made huge mistakes and this particular friendship was not always perfect. We had our ups and downs, our disagreements but up until two years ago we remained close and she stuck by me through some very difficult times and I truly believe I had done the same for her. Through loss, love, babies, marriages, divorces, new love and many more we had a bond a friendship and a something I thought would really stand the test of time. But in an instant, it was gone!
In social media terms, I was blocked, no longer were we friends on social media or in real life. There was no response, no explanation, dead…it was like we never existed…but…we did!!
So I have done some digging and the best information I found was this from time.com written on By DEBORAH TANNEN May 16, 2017,
“Why cut someone off without saying why? For one thing, explaining opens a conversation, implying you want to work things out, which you don’t. But there’s another reason, too. Many of us find it hard to say anything negative outright, so we swallow our hurt—until it chokes us. Ghosting means still not saying anything negative. Someone told me he calls this “stamp collecting.” When a person you’re close to does something you don’t like, you say nothing, but put a stamp in your book. When the page is filled with stamps, you slam it shut and throw the book at them.”
But there is HOPE: ⚓
As you know, HOPE is my anchor. I try and look for what may or may not be seen on the outside and I have never been one to give up easily. So yes, I was ghosted by someone who is and was very near and dear to me. And yes I have questions about why it happened and if we will someday talk again. Maybe all that is is just hope, or maybe its faith, or maybe it’s just because of who I am. I know my friend was going through something very difficult in her life and maybe it really had nothing to do with me at all. That, you see, is the beautiful thing about friendship. We can choose who we want to be our friends, but it also can happen in reverse. We can choose who we do not want to be our friends and I’m coming from the other side and I know that it isn’t always easy but it will be okay. You can continue to love your friend, pray for your friend and know how important that friend is or was to you. If you are like me, you don’t give up easily, but you learn and grow from the changes that occur over time.
So in conclusion, I say to you stop for just a moment and put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Or think about a time when you had a really good time with a friend that maybe you haven’t spoken to in a while. As women, we deserve to support each other and build each other up and give second chances or maybe even thirds or fourths. Maybe I am just an optimist but I believe in forgiveness and growth and hope you do too!!!